If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize