i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
