call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
