i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize