I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
