you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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