i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
