She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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