so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
