That's when you crack a 10am beer
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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