The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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