Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
