hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
