He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
