I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
