I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
