Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Randomize
