I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
