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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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