bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
