yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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