i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
