For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
