it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
