i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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