have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
