your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
