Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
