wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
