I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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