Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
