Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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