dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Be still, my beating vagina.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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