Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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