Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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