Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
