Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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