dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
