you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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