You're completely useless in the revolution.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
