ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
