Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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