I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
