Buhtt sex?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
