I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize