But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize
