Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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