and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
