so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
