I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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