I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
