She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
