Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
