i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
