I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
