Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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