I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
