I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You can't just leave with hair like that
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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