How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
