The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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