we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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