So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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