She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
