he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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