Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
