chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
