nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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