My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
